


Goodbyes

by Salome_Solace



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Goodbyes, Loss of Faith, Self-Acceptance, everything is okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 12:38:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18031889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salome_Solace/pseuds/Salome_Solace
Summary: Kevin lost his faith in Uganda but coming to the states made it real and actually leaving is hard





	Goodbyes

Kevin was used to goodbyes by now and they hurt but they were necessary, the first goodbye that hurt was the one he had with Arnold who decided that he was going to ride out his visa and spend another year in Uganda with Naba. When he had said goodbye to his parents it wasn’t as hard probably because he grew to really love Arnold, Arnold who in the end was the person who really understood him and actually was a true friend so he would never admit it but he cried, even though he knew he’d keep in touch. Arnold assured him in his odd way that there was nothing wrong with not really beliving as long as he was happy everything would be okay. 

The next goodbye was to the group, they were at the airport in New York and all had different connecting flights. His flight to Utah was last so he and the others jumped from terminal to terminal saying goodbye these didn’t hurt as much. When he was alone waiting for his flight he pulled out his cell phone and called his parents 

“Hey mom”

“No my flight hasn’t left yet I was just thinking I might not get on.” 

“I mean I think I’m lost I was supposed to become something on my mission but I think I just got lost I need time to find myself…...Alone.”

“Please I just need time.” 

“I love you.”

Kevin wiped a tear and hung up the phone and left the airport and hailed a cab 

________________________________________________________________________

Kevin spent the year building something in New York, he worked shitty jobs but he didn’t mind it he was 20 and was a bit aimless but he didn’t feel as empty. He just did have one thing that weighed his heart down. He still had one final goodbye he had come to terms with he just a had to have time make it seem real and final. So he made his way down the busy New York streets and went into a small church. He hadn't been to church in over a year, a conscious choice he made every Sunday. He needed some distance because Uganda shook his faith but things were different there. He needed to see if it was a fluke or him just going crazy and he needed to do it alone, no one trying to sway him either way it needed to be his choice. A Year in New York had changed him and he did open his eyes up more to everything he never noticed in his own society. Some day it made him sad not having anyone to talk to about it because some people just didn't get his struggle with faith.

He sat down in a pew in the back and sat down. The church filled up some took notice of him and smiled at him and he smiled back. It felt odd he used to be so comfortable here and at any other LSD church but now he just felt odd, like a stranger who shouldn’t even be in here. The Bishop then came in a greeted the church and it began. They got to the hymns and Kevin sang along like he used o knowing every word but he felt like he didn’t mean it and was just doing because it was what he had always done. Back then though he had meant and believed every word but now it just felt like a distant memory of who he was he almost missed it. He felt happier now but the memory of church and Sunday school still weighed in his heart. Memories of himself being a speaker at mass flooded his memory because he at the time did believe everything he preached but when he thought about it he didn't know what his intentions were. Was it being a good mormon boy or just to boost his ego. Although he did like the Sunday school part he loved teaching kids. He never really had to act in front of them and they were so innocent not many with ulterior motives when the wanted to get to know him. Thinking about it know he might try that out when he goes back to school.

The mass continued and he even took the sacrament, he did that without thinking about it. During the time of prayer. He had his final one on one with Heavenly Father, the final goodbye because as much as he loved him it was over. He wasn’t in love with the church and frankly didn’t even know if he believed in him anymore and this was one last mass to say goodbye. Some part of him really felt like he owed it to them, to Heavenly Father if he was out there. He had to make sure this was the right choice.

He didn’t rely on Heavenly Father anymore and he hasn’t been stuck down yet. He thought he had broken many rules and yet life continued and good things still happened to him so it was odd. Mass drew to a close and as much as he knew he was gonna miss it since religion was engraved into him but it was the right choice. He walked out of the church after politely denying offers to go to Sunday classes or other meetings. He walked out and found the nearest post box and sealed the deal put the envelope that had felt heavy earlier in the day almost dreading it but now he felt light. The last goodbye.

It was an odd feeling kind of empty in a way because he is going to miss it and it will always be a part of his life since his family is still Mormon but he the sense relief that washed over him when mass was over and the letter in the mail let him know it was the right choice to leave.

**Author's Note:**

> I personally was very catholic and was devote so when i left it was hard letting go of everything and i really related to Kevin and feel he might have had a similar feeling


End file.
